


Happy Endings (and other cruel lies)

by AiHuiyuan, Ourliazo



Series: Heroes and Happy Endings (and other fictional settings) [2]
Category: Naruto
Genre: Basically missing-nin Kakashi with brutal efficiency 'cause he's got no time for your bullshit, Copy Kitten Kakashi, Efficiency is key, Fix-It of Sorts, Gen, Hatake Kakashi-centric, Humour, Kakashi isn't BAMF but he gets shit done, Missing-Nin, Missing-Nin Hatake Kakashi, Missing-nin team mates, Multiple Time Travellers, Post-Fourth Shinobi War, Third Shinobi War, Threats To Children, Time Travel
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-02-05
Updated: 2021-03-12
Packaged: 2021-03-16 17:09:06
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 6
Words: 6,753
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29210898
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AiHuiyuan/pseuds/AiHuiyuan, https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ourliazo/pseuds/Ourliazo
Summary: Kakashi and his fellow missing-nin time travellers have only just killed Madara when the villages finally sit up and take notice. To be fair, the whole grooming prodigy children and stealing bijuu probably doesn't look too good from an outside perspective.Oh yeah, and there's also that Kaguya issue to deal with.
Relationships: Hatake Kakashi & various time traveling missing-nin
Series: Heroes and Happy Endings (and other fictional settings) [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2144655
Comments: 183
Kudos: 340





	1. regrouping

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is the sequel to [Heroes (and other morbid jokes)](https://archiveofourown.org/works/23983939/chapters/57690487)
> 
> It's in collaboration with AiHuiyuan, who PM'd me on ffn to talk about the first fic and we both got sucked into it.
> 
> Hope you enjoy~

Kakashi is face down on a tree branch in Uzu’s traveller base, actually still recovering from chakra exhaustion a fortnight after the battle with Madara and the Gedo Mazo statue.

Kakashi was thrown into the aforementioned tree because Orochimaru gave a Taki-nin a new arm, and now it fires blasts of air from the palm - apparently with enough pressure to launch Kakashi’s five year old body quite a good distance.

It hurts more than it should, considering Kakashi’s ribs are still cracked. In fact, in any other village he would have recovered in a bed in the horrid place called hospital. As their small Uzu clinic only has room for the critically wounded who needed supervision by a healer, everyone else was left to their own devices. 

Currently there is faint, distant cursing as the Taki runs around shooting people, learning to adjust to the recoil, and also just because she’s an asshole. 

“...other fuc…”

“...chimaru you son of a…”

“...is that even necessary for...?”

Kakashi sits up with a sigh and looks out over Uzushio's main island. It’s been just over a year since he woke up in this body, in this time, with only the last desperate dredges of the resistance against Kaguya to accompany him. 

As it turns out, a year is a long time.

“You went quite the distance,” A Yu-nin says with a flip of his waist-length blue hair, picking his way through the sparse trees up on this clifftop in precariously high geta sandals and a heavy fur outer robe.

Kakashi flops back down onto the tree branch. “Tell me when it’s safe to come out again.”

“Is it ever safe?” Don’yoku wonders because he’s very clear on exactly what these travellers are like.

“Speaking of safe,” Kakashi muses, propping his chin on folded forearms. “How is your latest husband?”

“Rather dead,” Don’yoku admits. “On the bright side, he taught me the tessen, a battle fan, up to the ninth form so my kata collection is finally complete.” 

Don’yoku smiles like the Yu-nin doesn’t specifically pick husbands to steal bloodline kinjutsu secrets from.

“Poor man,” Kakashi deadpans, wiping away a non-existent tear from the eye currently covered with a blank headband.

Don’yoku chuckles. “Oh, you’re so cute, maybe when you’re older I’ll grab that tanto kata I’ve seen you working on.” Don’yoku winks. “Later though. We're being called in for mission briefings, Copy Kitten.”

* * *

Kakashi shows up at the old Uzu council office in his adult form because the First Hokage Hashirama is hanging around and he always looks sad when he sees Kakashi's child form.

Something about child soldiers and morals, which is a joke at this point. A well trained child is a priceless resource as everyone has quickly learned.

Kakashi slinks into the room, feeling odd in this tall, lanky form that he's not quite used to anymore. Each step takes him so far, it's incredible. Kakashi crawls up the wall and lies back against it.

The Kumo village plant pointedly shuffles paper around where she sits at the huge table until the people present quite down. “Twelve, sixteen, uh...twenty.” Kumo squints and she looks around, counting. “Who are we missing?”

“Couple in the clinic,” Kazaru muses, idly brushing dirt off the human leather coat he wears. “Handful in villages already.”

“Yeah, I know, but there’s...one missing?”

“The Taki is gone,” Kakashi calls out.

“Where?”

“ _Gone_ ,” Kakashi repeats. Buried up to the neck in the beach, very close to the rising tide.

“Alright, whatever.” Kumo shrugs. “So finishing off Madara and the ten-tails still in its weak Gedo Mazo statue form only took out four of us. Unfortunately Zetsu escaped - which was predicted but still an annoyance.”

“I say we go for a scorched earth policy,” another Kumo woman, the information broker, declares. “As in, burn shit until we kill all the plant people.”

“That’s a plan,” the Ishi merchant says cautiously. “Not a good one but it’s a plan.” 

The in-village Kumo clears her throat. “The next step in the master plan is to track Zetsu down and erase it from existence along with all hints of the Eye of the Moon plan.”

The Edo Tensei of the First Kazekage is sitting at the other end of the table, elbows braced on top, fingers laced together. “It was mentioned that you would also contact the jinchuuriki,” Reto says.

Both in case Zetsu pulls something and because having chakra monsters to help finish off Kaguya would help no matter what final plan the traveller tacticians decide on.

“Later,” Kumo dismisses. “We need more kids to shove the tailed beasts into. Actually, can we put two into one kid?”

Kakashi looks away because he’s not volunteering himself.

“Or,” pipes up the blazing red-haired Uzumaki that was recovered with Edo Tensei only a week ago. “I mean, I read the notes you’ve compiled on tailed beast seals, and it’s advanced incredibly since my time but it’s lost nuance for power. If I had a bit of warning, I could whip something up for a puppet body.”

“We’re getting off track,” the Kumo complains. “Though I will talk seals with you later.” Kumo also nods at Tobirama, including him in the future chat. “That’s the overview, now I’ll be reading out major missions we need to get done. Raise your hand if you want to volunteer.”

Osanai immediately raises his hand with a charming smile. “I could go scouting for young talents.”

“No,” Hashirama says with a wince, sitting on the windowsill with Tobirama standing beside him. “No, no. No children for you.”

Reto frowns at his fellow Kage. “Is there something I should know?”

“Osanai’s a paedophile,” says a Suna leaning against the wall with a massive bundle of fabric containing various oversized weapons strapped across his back. “And in case you also didn’t know; Kazaru skins people and wears them, that in-village Kiri only came back in time because they didn’t have any more lives to ruin in the future, plus we also have a little Konoha who eats people and Nagekawashi _genuinely_ believes he rips out people’s guts to show how much he likes them.”

Don’yoku smirks at the Kazekage. “Welcome to the family.”


	2. making friends

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kakashi babysits. The babies just don’t know about it.

Kakashi dodges back from a swing of Zabuza’s (relatively) tiny sword because of course Kakashi got stuck checking in on prodigies to see which ones the travellers can use later if necessary. 

It makes sense since Kakashi can get in close without alerting anyone, but he’s just a little bit tired of dealing with children, even if they’re the only ones who don’t bully him about his height. He just thinks he’d be of better use elsewhere. 

Kakashi ducks the next slash and disappears into the mist of Kiri using a gust of air to help him. “Have you tried using it one-handed?”

Zabuza snarls because, yes, it might sound like mocking considering the sword is the same size as Kakashi and Zabuza put together but it’s a genuine question. Adult Zabuza swung around something three times as big with no problem, surely that kind of thing needs to start young.

Kakashi backflips over a charging Zabuza, bounces off the sword, and kicks the boy in the face, throwing him back. “Your main problem is that you don’t have the muscle mass for it.” Kakashi lands lightly. “Do you do enough weight training? Does the academy teach you that or is it battle royal, all the time?”

Zabuza stumbles up to his feet and hefts the sword over his shoulder again, ready for another charge.

“I’m serious about this, Zabuza,” Kakashi insists solemnly, raising his hands, palms out and no tricks. “Do you want to be better than your classmates, or do you want to be the  _ best  _ \- full stop?”

Zabuza spits out blood onto the ground and sneers, the cute little six year old. “What do you want?”

Kakashi tries for innocent. “I want to kill a rabbit and you’re going to need to be S-rank for it.”

* * *

Leaving Kiri, he detours to one of the traveller warehouses where he picks up supplies. As Kiri is a madhouse even on best of days, he seals the stuff into a scroll so as not to impede his movements while he dodges the more violent clans sprinkled across the country. 

Sometimes he wonders why Yobun’na and co. haven’t already taken over this wet and generally unpleasant place and wishes they would hurry up already. 

They could also build a significant force out of all the dead kids that are wasted each graduation massacre and Kakashi wouldn’t be tasked with running around the Elemental Nations right now.

* * *

Two weeks later Kakashi arrives in Kumo with his hair tinted platinum blond to blend in with the masses, decked out in standard Kumo greys and blacks, looking as if he rolled around in the dust like every other kid he’s seen so far. 

He’s standing at the edge of a mountainous training area -half converted into a playground- watching a fair-skinned blond girl. The same age as Kakashi, jinchuuriki of the two-tailed cat, and currently in a hoard of other kids who sit around on the railing of a huge drop off. 

Yugito is quiet and sunken into herself as the other children loudly gossip about an older brother who made it to chuunin recently.

A boy walks past towards the group, giving Kakashi a sideways glance. After a pause he stops and turns to Kakashi fully. “Are you not from Kumo? Why are you so pale?”

“That hurt my feelings,” Kakashi deadpans. 

The boy blinks and then laughs. “Wanna hang out?” He gestures towards the group of kids at the railing.

* * *

On the way from Kumo to Iwa he picks up a bounty in Shimo, a group of low level missing-nin that should be easy money. The bounties are low individually, but collectively they make quite a sum. 

The land of Shimo no Kuni is a beautiful place and with a weak fighting force it’s a good place to lay low in. Clearly other people think the same because Kakashi picks up two other bounties on his way in. 

He hasn’t tracked people through snow in a long while but it comes back to him as he slinks over a freshly fallen layer of soft white, using just enough chakra to not leave any marks, his blinding white clothes more than enough to turn him invisible in the washed out landscape. 

The tracks lead to a secluded cave, snow carefully piled up at the entrance for extra insulation. A careful earthquake has them running out in panic, making them easy pickings for his kunai.

He pilfers their weapons and equipment before sealing away the bodies to collect the reward at a bounty station on his way out.

* * *

"Any good recruits?" the main Iwa plant asks over tea.

Kakashi kicks his little legs hanging off the end of the cosy leather armchair in excitement, eyes locked onto the newest Icha Icha novel sitting just off to the side of the Iwa's arm. "I've been going after six year olds, what exactly are you expecting?"

"You're five, aren't you?" Iwa drawls, knowing full well what an outlier Kakashi is.

"I'm thirty-three," Kakashi corrects.

"Just get to the point," the Iwa demands.

"None capable," Kakashi reports. "They're clearly a cut above the rest but not good enough for what we need - not if we're going to be acting within the next few years. Grooming them personally is a waste of time but the occasional drop in could mean an army of elites that we can use in the future. I think that's worth it even if there's never an opportunity to use them."

The Iwa seems to sink into his own head for a moment, slotting all of this into the grand plan he's been designing with the other tacticians. "Would they be open to adult interference?"

"Zabuza would slit your throat," Kakashi admits. "The other future seven swordsmen are either already being trained or won't accept help from non-clan members. I saw two other good cases but they're not worth wasting resources on right now."

"And Kumo?"

"Wary of outsiders, and they guard their prodigies better than any village I've seen." Kakashi shakes his head. "Honestly, maybe it's biased, but grabbing a few Konoha would probably be the easiest."

"I could 'accident' a few notable Iwa kids into the slave trade and have you pick them up as their saviour," the Iwa-nin muses.

"I'm no babysitter," Kakashi retorts sharply. "Let me tell you about the time I had to teach genin."

Iwa laughs. "No, no, I have a good impression of you, don't ruin it." Iwa pauses. "And speaking of your reputation…"

Kakashi eyes slide to the new Icha Icha book that the Iwa taps on. "I want to let you know that I don't kill kids if I can help it, and pregnant women are a no-"

"Nothing like that," Iwa reassures easily with a smarmy look in his eyes. "Just a little scare. No need to kill anyone. Maybe pull out that pretty chirping jutsu you got?"

"Who is it?"

"Well...it's not technically a traveller mission-"

"And I'm gone," Kakashi says, slipping off the chair.

"This is unpublished," Iwa reminds Kakashi. "I had to call in a lot of favours with Orochimaru for him to send over Jiraya's latest work."

Kakashi narrows his eye at the man from across the table. "Who's the target?"

"The stupidest politician you’ll ever meet," Iwa complains. "A civilian little shit, who votes against me in everything because that one time I sent his daughter on a mission and she got killed - but that's on her for being so weak!" 

The Iwa wiggles the porn around. “And technically, he’s also kicking up a fuss about the Gedo Mazo statue matter, wanting to hunt down the people who flattened several acres of land.”

Kakashi rolls his eye. "Just give me the book and the details."


	3. adopting pets

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tanuki make great pets.
> 
> (And wear your damn sunscreen, skin cancer is bad.)

On Kakashi's way into the desert, he makes a small detour. Some bandits on the road are causing problems for a few merchants that also supply the travellers. His task is to covertly follow them and clear the way until they reach Ame and Jiraiya's kids can take over.

It takes him longer than he likes to, because the merchants are late - apparently they were waylaid by guard shinobi who had wanted their detailed itinerary and the list of supplies. Kakashi sends off a note back to Uzu because official border shinobi insisting on asking questions like that is a problem.

* * *

Suna is hot and the desert is doing its best to kill him. He's travelling with a large caravan consisting of several families who let their kids mingle so he didn't even bother finding himself a family - no one has questioned his presence yet because they're all swaddled in beige, and it's hard to discern which kid is which.

There are quite a few about his height, so it's easy to blend in. The kids are always together and are treated like a herd of cattle anyway, with one adult supervising while the others work.

When they arrive in Suna the guards only make a cursory search and tick off the adults on a list while the children run around people's knees screaming, making everyone's ears ring (and Kakashi has quickly become a favourite). The caravan is well known and has been travelling back and forth from Suna almost since the village was founded.

Complacency is a shinobi's worst enemy.

Kakashi vanishes when the caravan settles into the empty string of shops they usually use. He's here to familiarise himself with Suna and steal the teapot the Ichibi is sealed in.

If he has time he can check in on Baki, Garaa's future teacher and trusted aide of the Fourth Kazekage, as a potential recruit. Those wind blades could come in handy, even if it ends up being just another jutsu Kakashi installs.

After doing a quick check on the neighbourhood, Kakashi makes it to the Suna traveller's house he's paired up with for this mission. The security seals outside are laughable and easily dismantled, as expected for Suna who are renowned for dodgy seals.

The traps, however, are trickier. Working on them while cloaking himself in a genjutsu in the boiling hot sun takes far too long and he's sweating by the time he gets into the kitchen.

At one point, Kakashi ducks outside to scout the area and when he comes back only half an hour later he then dumps a bucket of water on the tiled floor of the kitchen, freezes it with a jutsu, and then lies down on top because this tiny body really can't take the heat. He basically spends the rest of the day hiding from the sun.

When the temperature finally drops at night, Kakashi is lounging on the couch when he hears the Suna open the front door. Kakashi has suppressed his chakra signature, like any sensible unwelcome visitor, and darts around the room until he's hiding in the corner of the ceiling, ready for when the Suna enters the doorway below.

Kakashi has clearly rummaged through the house and the Suna is immediately alerted by the changes, but Kakashi already has a kunai at the base of the man's neck.

Mutual hand signs confirm their identities and Kakashi retracts his kunai. "I made food."

"Is it that eggplant shit you like?" Suna complains, already walking to the kitchen.

"What has eggplant done against you?" Kakashi demands, dropping off the ceiling and making his way back to the couch.

* * *

He keeps to the few shadows there are while the midday sun beats down on Suna. No sensible person is outside and even the guards around the Kazekage tower look more drowsy than attentive, paying no attention to the heat haze that cloaks Kakashi.

Entering the storage room containing the Ichibi is not that difficult, especially when he's already been handed building blueprints and counter seals and most of the guard presence is focused on the meeting above, where the main Suna plant is making sure that the war council lasts long enough for Kakashi to slip in and out.

He has about one hour to convince the Ichibi to come with him, quietly.

The teapot he's after rests in a little shrine, surrounded by even more subpar seals. After he carefully dismantles them, he memorises the shape of the teapot with his sharingan for when they need to have it replicated later.

He softly knocks on the teapot's lid. It raises a bit, revealing two yellow eyes and a set of little triangular ears.

"Good afternoon, Shukaku," Kakashi greets politely with an eye smile.

The lid raises a bit more, revealing the head of a miniature Ichibi - younger and calmer than Kakashi has ever known him to be. "Hey kid, what do you want?"

"We need to talk about your dad."

* * *

Shukaku was cautious -rightly so- and refused the offer to leave. Kakashi promised that he'd give Shukaku time to think it over and gracefully bowed out.

That's fine, the travellers planned this brief pause. They're confident that Shukaku will agree eventually, because being in a teapot is boring. The tailed beasts have personalities and do enjoy being social, especially this version of Shukaku, not yet driven borderline insane from faulty seals.

In the meantime, Kakashi goes back to hunting prodigies.

Baki misses a split second opening in the spar and Kakashi tsks. He almost would have preferred Sasori but Sakumo was off the rails when he got that mission and ended up wiping out the whole family. Probably for the best.

But for all he gripes about Baki's weak performance, the kid is well above others his age and could probably take on a chuunin without much trouble. With a little nudge here and there and an advanced wind jutsu from Kakashi's own internal library, that kid is well on his way to becoming useful to the travellers.

It's the last few years of the Third Kazekage's reign, though without Sasori in the picture it should drag on longer, and Kakashi needs to wait a bit more for people like the Suna ANBU he remembers to be grown up enough to show any potential.


	4. meeting the family

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Shukaku meets the family.

A scorpion ruffles around as it pokes up from the sand next to Kakashi's hand. It waits until it has Kakashi's attention and starts shaking its tail around to tell him that the copy of the Ichibi's teapot is ready and waiting.

This is the second time now. The Suna plant took Kakashi's genjutsu of the real teapot and tried to replicate it when negotiating with the craftsman. The teapot is old, with chips and cracks and nuances that normal genjutsu can't hold, especially since the Suna plant is a kenjutsu specialist instead.

This time Kakashi had pulled a henge over himself, as the Suna, and pulled the craftsman into a genjutsu with the Sharingan so the teapot can be seen from all angles (sans seals).

Regardless, it's unlikely the craftsman would recognise the teapot even with the seals - only the higher ups in Suna have access to it and even then very few of them have actually seen it. However, the travellers don't take unnecessary risks.

Kakashi stands up and brushes himself off even though it's pointless. He's half sand now, it's everywhere, he can taste it no matter how many times he washes his mouth out.

* * *

When that kid strolled into Shukaku's locked down room to tell him an outrageous story about time travel, Shukaku had been sceptical. However, that shorty had spoken about things that no one should still know. Things the Sage of Six Paths, their father, had taught them but they have long strayed from, disillusioned with humans who seemed fixed on repeating their mistakes over and over.

Shukaku and his siblings were at times revered and hated, only ignored when the humans were too busy fighting themselves over petty little ideals. After so many years, the humans and their fighting remained one of the only constants in this world.

Most of his siblings, like himself, have grown apathetic to it. Just chase away those who come too near and watch how the human race somehow manages to survive even with the absurd amount of killing they do among each other.

However, since those infernal clans decided that tailed beasts ought to be in the hands of humans, Shukaku had spent his time residing in various more or less comfortable seals, and in two instances those seals had connected him with humans.

His first jinchuuriki, a monk, had been remarkably accepting of his lot in life and very philosophical about human behaviour. It didn't change Shukaku's impression that humanity had evolved very little during his whole life, regardless if you are looking at it from afar or from the inside.

With the village system established, the fighting reached new dimensions, wars on a much greater scale - definitely adding to his already non-existent confidence in his father's words about someone bringing peace to the human race and everyone overcoming their differences in the future.

What the little brat had shown him was a world where humans united against the overpowering force that is his grandmother. Given the circumstances, understandable, but somehow it stung that his father's words haven't been proven right in the way he thought they would.

It was less about peace and cooperation but more about survival of the race. And now these travellers, a force consisting of previously hostile groups, are determined to see their goals realised regardless of who or what gets in their way.

Which, if you thought about it, wasn't that promising.

But waiting around for the next poor human he was going to get sealed in was mind numbingly boring. No one spoke to him, no one acknowledged that he wasn't a mindless demon, he only felt that occasionally people would come into this room and rummage through uninteresting stuff and leave as fast as possible.

In face of more mind numbing years and the potential to go crazy due to a faulty seal, he might as well take up the young brat on his offer for some entertainment.

* * *

Shukaku is passed off to another human, one that smells of iron and money. This human talks to him, too, but mainly about shifting stock and payroll.

"What are the others like?" Shukaku interrupts, already bored.

"Um," the Ishi merchant begins. "Well, they sure are something."

* * *

Three hours later, Shukaku is screaming as the ship cuts through the water fast enough that the woman holding his teapot is also screaming.

The ship slams to a halt right before the beach and Shukaku is launched out of the ship at the sudden break in momentum, tumbling ass over teapot and landing hard, digging a furrow through the sand.

Shukaku half flops out of the teapot and groans.

"You get used to it," says the First Kazekage, lounging on a fold out chair, getting a nice tan while the ocean breeze keeps him cool.

Shukaku wheezes.

* * *

Shukaku has seen saviours, time travellers and madmen, but he has yet to see a group that personifies all three so _enthusiastically_.

After all, the kid had seemed quite unobtrusive apart from the information he had given and the adults that accompanied him here didn't seem particularly strange.

But those intermittently visiting the islands of Uzu, they were different. Unhinged. It was astounding how they managed to work together - Shukaku had seen empires fall for less.

Among the living there were those who had been risen from death against the flow of time. Including two who were the main reason the tailed beasts were sealed - and why he, in particular, was sitting in a teapot.

A teapot, not some blade or other weapon, but a teapot. Sure, it was a culturally important item to the humans, especially in Suna where water means life more than anywhere else - but really, a teapot?

The time travellers have very particular views about humanity, morals and the world. And with a few well placed remarks they are delightfully willing to share and discuss them, very loudly. While fighting. The resulting chaos is perfect entertainment for anyone watching. (As long as no one blows him from his perch, that is. Stupid teapot.)

"Why are you here?" Shukaku asks the human smelling of frost and sweat. He reaches out of the teapot and paws at the snowflake detail on the cloth nearest to him.

The Shimo looks away from the ongoing spar and raises an eyebrow down at the pot. "You mean, why did I choose to take this mission?" He clears his throat. "When I was a boy my mother was a civilian but taught martial arts-"

"Kaguya bitch slapped him and he knows how to hold a grudge," Don'yoku cuts in, idly fluffing his fur coat.

"You only joined up because you ran out of handsome men, who were also dumb enough to fall into bed with you," the Shimo retorts.

"I'm not ashamed of who I am," Don'yoku tsks.


	5. greeting the locals

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Osanai doesn’t like naughty children.

Kakashi spots the future Gal-8-2 outpost, an abandoned hut in the tall grass of Kusa he touches base with occasionally. It's dusty and the floors aren't even but this position is a vital point in the chain between Konoha and Iwa. The travellers want to repurpose it as another meeting point and resting place.

Kakashi was sent in to prep the surrounding area, whether that means to start renovations or clear out unwanted pests nearby. He already ran into a small bandit camp that needs to go.

A closer glance around the room that is probably going to be a kitchen reveals a dust-free track, the same wiggle pattern as Orochimaru's favourite messenger snake makes.

The tracks lead to a low cupboard and Kakashi does every single scanning jutsu he has in his possession before he hesitantly opens the chipped wooden door, still expecting some kind of trap because that's the kind of person Orochimaru is.

It's a sealed scroll, with more sealing tools and a message. According to Orochimaru, the villages seemed to have caught onto something. Some missions have been compromised and Kakashi's mission list has changed according to priority.

There are some intel missions that have become dangerous for other infiltrators, travellers that have come close to discovery, and Kakashi needs to take over. Even in an age of child soldiers, no one expects one quite as young as Kakashi.

He burns the scroll after he reads it and sighs. There's too much to do and they're stretched worryingly thin. Especially with a few of the travellers still recovering. A few of the Edo Tensei have stayed on to fight against Kaguya but they're too noticeable and can't be used for more than strategy planning or training others.

The travellers are down to twenty-five, and every one is essential.

* * *

As one of the higher-priority missions, there are three guards for this caravan; Osanai, the official front, with Kakashi in adult form and an Ame with a chemistry set as backup if the Kumo gets overwhelmed.

There have been growing signs that their supply lines are being compromised so the tacticians decided the travellers need to make clear that it's off limits.

Osanai is the face of this operation, acting as an official contact for the 'organisation' controlling the supplies as well as a guard for the caravan of civilians.

There have already been instances of supplies getting stolen or turned back. On this route in particular, they detected heightened shinobi presence - or to put it bluntly, the villages are getting wind of growing supply lines and are feeling out the situation to see who gets ruffled up and how they'll fight back.

While the traveller's covert border manipulations were borderline problematic, the carnage after the fight with Gedo Mazo statue took the cake. The villages have to do something about the missing-nin wreaking havoc, and their response is to double down on suspicious movements.

Trouble comes half-way to the drop off point and it's disappointing.

All three of the travellers notice the caravan getting surrounded and Osanai gestures for the two of them to stay back for now. He motions the caravan to move forward without him while he creates a clone to draw out the Kiri following them.

It ends up being only two chuunin scouts and a jounin team leader, which is quite frankly insulting so Osanai slaps them around a bit just on principle and then trusses them up to make sure he has an attentive audience.

"Greetings, ladies and gentlemen," Osanai says softly with a kind smile and a bit of blood splattered high up on his cheek. "I'm sorry to take up your time but you see, I am helping guide this caravan of civilians safely to their destination and I am wary of your presence following us."

"And what is your destination?" the jounin woman demands.

"Oh, I'm so glad you asked," Osanai admits. He pulls back the large sleeve of his deep blue yukata to show them the blank headband around his upper bicep. "I am Osanai, missing-nin of Kumo, A-rank. I am taking my supplies back to the hidden village I've set up."

"A-rank?" one of the chuunin questions.

"Here and there," Osanai says dismissively because even at the start, when he dropped all the way back down to B, he had always considered himself S-rank. He lowers his sleeve and his hands disappear from view under the cloth. "Now ask me why I'm going to leave you alive."

When he receives no answer, Osanai smiles pleasantly. "I am working towards uniting all the hidden villages to fight the moon so we can save the world. I will achieve world peace, whether you like it or not. I am prepared to sacrifice myself, and however many of you who get in my way, to carry out The Mission."

Osanai's sleeves flare out and chakra-infused shuriken strike through the ninja wire tying the three Kiri-nin down. They're immediately on their feet and leaping back.

Osanai smoothes down his yukata. "I ask you politely to cease harassing these innocent civilians who have done nothing wrong, and to leave my caravans in peace. I am very busy these days but I always have time to make an example of people. Do remember that."

Osanai nods at them and leaves.

* * *

The next day as the merchants pack up camp in the morning, the Ame traveller tilts their head. "They brought back-up."

Osanai purses his lips. "Pity. Cut off their fingers."

Kakashi and the Ame flicker away.

"Those two don't want breakfast?" a civilian man calls out, standing near the sputtering fire with a ladle in hand.

Osanai smiles gently, perfectly pleasant. "They'll only be a moment."


	6. happy brithday

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kakashi gets a birthday present and daddy comes to visit the travellers.

Most travellers have carved themselves a place on the island, scattered around, with bedrolls or hammocks set up - countless traps ready and willing in case of surprise attacks by other travellers. Some have gone the extra step and claimed one of the many smaller islands that ring Uzu a bit further off.

The Kiri woman is constantly half-submerged in the water that acts as an extension of herself. Between her and Tobirama's sensor abilities, the travellers are ready in case either Zetsu or other shinobi try something.

Constantly, regardless of the time of day, those who aren't preparing for a mission train a lot. Mainly because being called a lower rank really pisses them off.

After all, most of the people here were averaging sixty-something, untouchable S-rank monsters pushing (or already breached) Kage-level, who retired in comfort after a long reign of terror because during the end there none of the villages dared to bother them.

Before Kaguya dragged all these hidden elite out of the woodwork, Kakashi even heard that the Kiri tactician sailed off to another continent to go build himself a country. (And according to the Kumo information broker, when Kaguya popped up the Kiri was already leading an army off to expand his empire.)

Well, at least in Uzu, most travellers train themselves. Others launch surprise attacks.

"Oh fuc-" the Tetsu starts, dropping the rice bag and reaching for the empty handle of his samurai's katana. In an instant, the blazing red chakra blade starts to form-

Kakashi continues unloading the crate of flour onto the Uzu warehouse's shelves as his fellow unpacker is sucked into the earth.

"Listen," the Kusa says as his skin ripples and the camouflage drops. "I'm not saying you have to seduce a peadophile, but if you did...convince Osanai to throw the next poker game, I would owe you a favour..." He trails off when he feels killing intent flood the storage warehouse they're currently packing.

"I think you should turn around," Kakashi says.

The Kusa hesitates. "Fuck, is it Hashirama?" He slowly glances over his shoulder. "Oh, shit. It was a joke, I swear."

Sakumo is smiling blandly with teeth pointedly covered, really looking too serene for the amount of killing intent he's putting out right now.

"Dad, that's so embarrassing," Kakashi mock complains. "You know I can do my own killing intent." He turns to stare at the Kusa.

Under the combined pressure, the Kusa simply pulls his camouflage back on before slipping out.

The atmosphere lightens significantly after the Kusa is gone and Kakashi trots up to Sakumo, grabbing the man's hand. "I didn't know you were coming."

Sakumo automatically swings Kakashi up and around until the boy lands on Sakumo's back, sticking with chakra. "I wouldn't miss your birthday," Sakumo says cheerfully, heading out of the wearhouse and into the bright sunlight. "You're getting so big now - six whole years old! Almost hip height and everything. You still don't weigh enough though, I think a strong breeze might carry you away."

"As a fully grown man, that's very insulting," Kakashi tsks, climbing up so he can curl himself around the back of Sakumo's neck like a scarf.

Sakumo just croons, reaching up and petting Kakashi's head. "Oh, but also-"

Sakumo drags Kakashi down by the ankle and drops him, the boy doing a quick flip to land on all fours. Sakumo pats around in his pockets and pulls out a scroll.

"I heard you had this in the future," Sakumo says with a proud smile. "Happy birthday, Kakashi."

Kakashi straightens up and looks at the summons scroll held out to him. He slowly reaches out and accepts it.

"Do you...want to be alone for it?" Sakumo asks softly.

"...Yes."

* * *

Ten minutes later, Sakumo is getting a bit worried where he's sitting near the picnic area with some other travellers gossiping over lunch. He's not sure if Kakashi can get the same summons from before.

Sakumo himself has quite cute tracking dogs but when Kakashi...left Konoha, Sakumo's rage summoned creatures far closer to feral wolves than domesticated pups, far larger as well with that primal bloodlust that ran through Sakumo's veins and clouded his vision red.

"Just go find him," an Iwa riddled with scars says.

Sakumo blinks and turns to him. "What?"

"Just go find your boy." the Iwa rolls his eyes. "Why you actin' like he's gonna rip into you for showing concern?"

"Oh." Sakumo stands up. "Thank you, I'll be going now."

"Anything for you, daddy," Iwa drawls out as Sakumo leaves.

In fact, Sakumo doesn't need to go far before he finds Kakashi's foot peeking out from under a hoard of puppies.

It's so adorable it almost hurts. He would take a picture if his son wouldn't complain about it being blackmail.

* * *

That night, Sakumo lies awake on the rooftop of a half crumbling building, worn away by rain and wind. Kakashi sleeps curled up against his side, almost entirely covered by Sakumo's jounin flak jacket.

It's been a few months since Sakumo's seen Kakashi again. He's been worrying, with Kakashi's chakra exhaustion. Kakashi may not be a child in mind, but his body is still growing and has the exact same drawbacks that a child's body does.

They've been sending letters back and forth through summons but it's not the same as seeing each other in person. It really has been too long.

Sakumo had left the battlefield shortly after the last traveller did. Once he had gotten out of range, the explosives went off and the Gedo Mazo statue was torn apart to destroy the evidence.

As the travellers retreated to the east, Sakumo went south to Konoha. He stopped to seal the bodies of the two scouting teams the travellers had killed, one from Iwa and the other Taki, because they might have had bounties or brought leverage against the other villages they are currently at war with. Technically at war with, because in comparison to the two previous, this third shinobi war -boiling down to a few border skirmishes here and there- is a joke.

Sakumo encountered the scouting group Konoha had sent to investigate the disturbance and delayed them by recounting his fake story and showing them the bodies he found.

The medic-nin offered a further delay when they checked Sakumo's arm and ribs and told him to go straight to the hospital after debriefing. His injuries had been as good as they were going to get but he needed time to recover.

Sakumo listened because after finally finding Kakashi alive and well, he had been calm enough to take his time. To recuperate and readjust and support his son from afar. The last year of back-to-back missions meant his body desperately needed rest - he wasn't that young anymore.

Sakumo looks down at his son now, strokes the boy's small back soothingly. Kakashi is even older, Sakumo thinks sadly. Kakashi has always been serious and solemn as a child but this version is more relaxed and open.

It's not real though. A lot of what Kakashi does seems to be fake. The way he smiles with his eye but the muscles under his mask don't move at all. Sometimes he'll sit or lounge next to a person but his body is angled away, ready to defend or attack. Constantly ready, constantly on guard.

Sakumo doesn't dislike this version though. He loves this older Kakashi, and the younger one, and every age and disguise in between.

How can he not love his adorable son?

Sakumo makes kissing noises and Kakashi snuffles in his sleep, burrowing himself deeper into Sakumo's side.


End file.
